WOW - It has been so long since I visited my old friend self on here.  So much has happened and I am not sure how to start, but let's begin with now.  I am living in OHIO.  I moved from TN back to Ohio, because I lost my husband to cancer in May of 2013.  Just three years after we got married.  Crazy, since it was only five years ago that I buried my first husband.  How does one end up in this situation?  Two husbands lost within five years.  How do you just function?

I am not sure how I made it through that first year.  To be honest I don't even remember it much.  It was just like living a nightmare all over again.  I still remember sitting in the hallway at Vanderbilt and they were trying to get him back.  I was crying to GOD please not again.  Don't make me go through this again.  Then the doctor took me to that little room that no one wants to be seated in.  You know it is not good news when they need to see you in that little room.

I was told that they had gotten him back, but then he had another heart attack and was gone for twenty minutes.  I was hoping then maybe, but then the slammer.  He has stage four cancer, if he makes it then you will have a long fight. They had lost him twice on their way to ICU.  They had him back but he was on life support and his brain was swollen.  I knew then I was going to leave this hospital again by myself.  BAM, life just dealt me another smack in the head.

How do you deal with all that without going crazy?  I am not sure.  The only thing I can remember is saying to GOD are you sure that I can handle this again?  The next few days were just numbing for me.  I had to make the decision to take him off the life support.  His family arrived,but they decided I should make the decision, since I was his wife.  I knew he didn't want me to just hold on with no hope.

So the decision was made to disconnect the machines and see how he does.  It could be minutes or hours they were not sure.  Everyone says their goodbyes and his MOM and I hold his hand as he slips out of my life into eternity, but in those last few minutes with my best friend there for support I whispered a promise in his ear.  It has been haunting me ever since.  I have wondered how I was going to do it, but I have known that I would figure out a way to do it.

 It has taken almost four years for me to begin this pursuit, but I am going to keep it no matter what.  I will eat, breathe and live it for the next few years until it happens.  It will be a reality for the man that I loved and promised to make his dream come true.

Come back and follow me as I pursue his DREAM.